Current mood:

peaceful

all is fair in love and war
well i was a little kooky with that last entry, its a bit embarrassing i even posted it. just trying to be honest, maybe someone else has felt all annoyed and bothered by their boyfriend. hmmn. well, james isn't speaking to me. the next day friday i've got no classes, but i do have work, so every five minutes i'm calling james on the phone in the back and ricky the guy who owns the store is like "sorry james is unavaiable for comment." fucking jerk. i wonder what the hell james told him for him to talk to me with no respect whatsoever. so anyway, i bike over to his house once i get off work at like 4 oclock i know he gets off at like three so i should be able to catch him, so i'm huffing and puffing up canoan lane the windy one practically all the way up the side of the mountain and, i nearly get run over by james brother's truck careening down right in front of me. i don't see whose inside, so i keep going and then i find out it was james! his mom who was like a beauty queen when she was younger and now is a tired out angry type of person who works real estate in town and pretends she lives in some upper class way and never really liked me because i don't know lipstick from chapstick tells me james has gone camping for the weekend with his brother. sorry.

so i guess that's it or something. i can't quite believe it, i mean, it's not like i hadn't gotten all weird on him about getting sexed up before. the least he could do is talk to me about it i think. we've been dating for like 4 years.

so saturday i decide i need a rest from all this thinking, and i don't have that much work this weekend, so i go out into the hills, theres this one spot i particularly like were a couple of trees have fallen over and they make a little tree cave on the forest floor. i make some tuna salad and i pack my sak and go up there to camp. it was real cold out, like foot numbing, but i had a blanket and i brought my books. after a couple of hours i got to that place i like to be inside my head. the fresh air rushing through my nostrils like its cleaning my head right out. theres some deers up there and they don't mind me really so sometimes i can watch them. thing about animals like that is they let you be, humans should take a lesson. i played the throw stick game a bit, where i lie on the floorbed of the forest and throw a stick in the air over and over, its very meditative, in fact american indians have a similar ritual. i watch the stick go up and i watch it go down, and i keep a rhythmn with it.

i feel a lot better now and reasonably reconciled for what may come.