memories
she used to put so much talcum powder on me I would practically choke on dusted air. we'd sit on the porch then in the evening and watch the night sky shine their starlight through the tree and they'd make huge shapes on the wall, talking shapes.

ryan was too young when everything happened and not the soft one, as she liked to call me. i was the soft one, so I could understand what it was all about. i could help somehow. just like i try and help others now, but i'm jus the shell for their bad feelings, not someone who can really fix something. i am just growing up to be a paid recipient of bad news. a smile with something to hide.

then there was the ski accident, she lost her short term memory, her head cut open on the icey rained over snow slope, i thought she was dead, but she just couldn't remember. i had to wait not knowing until the patrol came to pick her up. no she's not dead they said, and laughed at me for being a stupid kid. stupid.

that was the summer james went away to music camp in seattle, what a big summer that was for him, he learned how to really play bass. he was always so lucky.